Fashion Pet Peeves


Spotted:  Co-worker wearing white pants and white polo shirt to office.

The old rule about white after Labor Day and it being a summer color, has been out of vogue for a few years now.  However, there are still times when white is inappropriate.  Funerals spring to mind as being the number one most inappropriate place, along with weddings (unless you are the bride, or it’s white-tie).  But what about the office?  What makes white on a pant such an offensive color in the office?  Offensive to me, at least.

First, it’s the fabric choice.  Linen, lightweight cotton or tropical-weight wool?  Definitely a no-no in the office.  Those are far more casual than necessary and they end up looking like you came straight from Bermuda to your cubicle.  Also, there’s a sheerness factor here that is usually ignored.  My personal opinion is that no one, and I mean NO ONE, should be able to look at your pants and see what color/style your underwear are.  So make sure those pants aren’t see-through and if they are – don’t wear your leopard-print string bikini-briefs.   So what fabric can be white and still classy and sophisticated?  Twill (be careful – you don’t want to look like a painter) or winter-weight wool.

Second, it’s the color.  Some khaki pants are so close to white, you could say they were off-white.  I have no problem with this – it’s a twill.  But a bright white?  Save that for a Tide commercial or the Palm Springs White Party.  A creamy white color is probably the best thing here.

As for white shirts?  Those are pretty much appropriate anytime, but please remember that sometimes, the material is so thin that you can see your nipples.  And that’s never appropriate at an office.

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Oh my, has it really been that long since I’ve updated?  I suppose.  I am currently in the midwest which is where fashion means nothing.  Seriously.  These are people who think that Crocs are appropriate for a Christmas dinner.   My dad’s wife actively encouraged him to wear his new black Crocs to Christmas dinner.  They are not just the regular Crocs.  Nay, these are the ones with the fleece lining.  Thankfully, though my father is not fashion-concsious at all (this is a man who tucks in sweaters, after all), he decided to go with a non-athletic brown sneaker.   Here’s my problem with Crocs: they are ugly.  If you are a woman, they make your legs look dumpy and squat.  If you are a man, they make you look like a male nurse.  There are 3 places you are allowed to wear Crocs: if you actually are a nurse, go for it – it looks like a part of a nurse’s uniform and they work.  If you are a gardener.  I imagine they would be cool and comfortable in the summer and warm in the winter.  If you are at home and need a little houseshoe or something.  THAT IS IT.  I AM SO ANTI-CROCS!

Another thing I’m against is this idea that brown is only a neutral.  Here’s the scenario.  I wore a brown button down shirt and a pair of brown dress pants with a black belt and black shoes.  The black acts as the neutral and the brown is the color.  This is not the same as mixing brown and black shoes and belts as neutrals.   THE BROWN IS THE MAIN COLOR.  IT IS NOT A NEUTRAL IN THIS CASE.  As my idols, Stacy and Clinton always say: It doesn’t need to match, it needs to go.  My outfit went.   Brown is actually quite a good color to use in an outfit.  Very few people look bad in brown and it’s a lot warmer and richer than black.

And lastly – Christmas-themed clothing.   STOP IT.  You can say “Christmas” with your clothing without actually having a Christmas tree on your sweater.  Seriously.  There’s no reason for it.  WE ALL KNOW IT IS CHRISTMAS. We do not need your holly green cable knit sweater with the Rudolph the Reindeer applique on it to let us know it is the holidays.  You know how you do a holiday outfit?  A red cable knit sweater over a nice button-down shirt and a pair of slacks for men.  For women, a nice dress in a bright, rich color preferably in a shiny, shimmery fabric.  That’s it.  No reindeer brooches or earrings in the shape of wreaths.  Or sweaters with Santas on them saying “Ho Ho Ho!”  Of course, with every fashion dictate, there is an exception.  In this case it is teachers.  Elementary school teachers to be exact.  They are allowed to wear that stuff to be cutesy and fun.  But if you are a teacher?  You need to leave that in your school.  Please don’t wear that out in public.

So Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah dear readers.  I’ll probably post a year-end post before the new year!

This recently came up at my job about and it never occurred to me that this needed to be addressed after the fifth grade, but here we are:  Tucking in a shirt and when to do it.

Some people will have you believe that all shirts are meant to be tucked in.  Certainly there are those who just feel better having the security of a shirt cinched by the belt.  And as with most spectrums, there’s the other end of it; the guys who never tuck in a shirt.  So, here’s my personal feelings as to tucking and untucking.

Untucked:  T-shirts, Polo Shirts, Rugby Shirts.  That is all.  These have a straight hem and are meant to be worn out.  However, you can tuck Polo/Rugby shirts in.  That is because they have a dressy/buttoned collar and lend themselves to dressing up a pair of pants. 

Tucked: Any shirt with tails.  ALWAYS TUCKED IN; NO EXCEPTIONS.  Now.  I will say that I have a shirt that I usually wear untucked.  This is because it is too small to actually stay tucked in (there are products that combat this effectively – one is sort of a rubber belt that goes between the underwear and the pant).  The solution?  I got rid of it (which was a shame because it fit wonderfully otherwise and you wouldn’t believe it, but it never wrinkled).

Pants to tuck?  Anything you might think is dressy?  Should have a belt and be tucked in.  And yes, folks, there are dressy belts and casual belts.  I know, I know, it’s hard to believe – but seriously.  Wear a good belt with good pants and wear the LED-scrolling belt that says “CHAD RAWKS” with your Diesel jeans.  On second thought – don’t ruin Diesel’s good name with that. 

Oh – one thing to avoid: STOP WITH THE HALF-TUCK.  The tuck in the front to show off the buckle and then leaving the rest out?  Seriously, it’s the equivalent to a codpiece.  And what straight male wants to walk around with their crotch showing all day.  Most of the ones I know might as well be Ken dolls with how little they like to show their crotch.

Ok, so the summer season is upon us which brings about several of my pet peeves.  It seems that the warm weather (or if you live in the South, like I do, the FUCKING HOT weather) turns otherwise normal people into public embarrassments. 

First, sandals.  I can see why they are a staple of warm weather.  Socks make the feet sweat and well, sometimes you get trench foot if you aren’t careful.  But for the love of God and Anna Wintour, PLEASE GET A PEDICURE (Especially men).  There is nothing grosser than seeing a gorgeous guy and then you look down at the feet and there is a nasty yellow toenail.  Gross.  Also, wear sandals when appropriate.  Wearing flip flops to go shopping, well, seems uncomfortable to me, but go for it if that’s your thing.  But wearing flip flops to a crowded bar?  Stupid.  That’s how you get your toes stepped on by people wearing the proper shoes.

Shorts: Oy.  I hate shorts.  Men seem to wear them for the most part correctly.  Women?  I’m sorry, but the length of your shorts should not be equal to the length of your panties.  Also, if your shorts are so short that bending over will make the world your gynecologist, it’s time to buy longer shorts (or invest in better health insurance).  The formal short that was in last summer is still in and I’m for it.  Seriously, it’s a good look (done correctly).

And now that my blood is boiling, it’s time to crank the A/C and sip my cold TaB while I get a pedi.