Sorry, kids, but WHAT THE HELL?!   These look awful.  I feel like the person who wears these is some hippie who was kicked out of a store for being barefoot, so they spent $75 to make sure they can still “feel” barefoot.  WHY ARE YOU WEARING THESE IN PUBLIC, PEOPLE?  They are ugly.  They basically make you look like the Borg Queen!  Ugh.

However, I never like to say that you should NEVER wear something.  My mother always said that the key to style is picking appropriate pieces for appropriate venues.  If you are going kayaking or hiking or doing some parkour training, then go ahead and wear these shoes.  If you are going to be doing some sort of Cross Country event or a fun-run?  Go nuts.  But if you are going out shopping or worse – out to eat – then please consider another shoe.  Or be prepared for whispers, bold-faced questions about your weird toe shoes, and staring. (Full disclosure: I don’t own these shoes, nor have I even wanted to)

But – in the event that you wish to own these odd shoes for something athletically appropriate (parkour, kayaking or rafting), then please, check out their website: Vibram FiveFingers

The old rule about white after Labor Day and it being a summer color, has been out of vogue for a few years now.  However, there are still times when white is inappropriate.  Funerals spring to mind as being the number one most inappropriate place, along with weddings (unless you are the bride, or it’s white-tie).  But what about the office?  What makes white on a pant such an offensive color in the office?  Offensive to me, at least.

First, it’s the fabric choice.  Linen, lightweight cotton or tropical-weight wool?  Definitely a no-no in the office.  Those are far more casual than necessary and they end up looking like you came straight from Bermuda to your cubicle.  Also, there’s a sheerness factor here that is usually ignored.  My personal opinion is that no one, and I mean NO ONE, should be able to look at your pants and see what color/style your underwear are.  So make sure those pants aren’t see-through and if they are – don’t wear your leopard-print string bikini-briefs.   So what fabric can be white and still classy and sophisticated?  Twill (be careful – you don’t want to look like a painter) or winter-weight wool.

Second, it’s the color.  Some khaki pants are so close to white, you could say they were off-white.  I have no problem with this – it’s a twill.  But a bright white?  Save that for a Tide commercial or the Palm Springs White Party.  A creamy white color is probably the best thing here.

As for white shirts?  Those are pretty much appropriate anytime, but please remember that sometimes, the material is so thin that you can see your nipples.  And that’s never appropriate at an office.

Compact umbrellas are useful if you need to carry an umbrella without actually having it in your hand.  The upside is that it’s easily stowed away when the forecast is wrong.  The downside is that they are usually pretty flimsy and they are usually pretty cheap in quality.  These often have an automatic push button thing that open the umbrella.  Useful.  If you know how to use it.   These umbrellas are also really easy to flip inside out at the faintest breeze.

A full-size umbrella is usually made from better materials, since it doesn’t have to collapse small enough to fit in a commuter bag.  You can also look stylish with one of these, holding it jauntily while catching the train to the office.  The upside is that you’ll look like a posh gentleman.  The downside?  You can easily leave this behind somewhere without realizing it until you’re caught in a downpour.  These umbrellas also close into a more drip-friendly shape.

My opinion?  If you aren’t going to be commuting, go ahead and buy the nice upright one.  It’ll look a lot classier.  If you are a commuter, there are still higher quality compact umbrellas out there.  GAP has some for less than $30.  You can find either style at any price point really.  Some even have hard plastic sleeves that retract when you open the umbrella and keep your pants from getting wet when it’s closed.

For color – stick with black/gray.  It’ll go with everything and it won’t look stupid.  Stay away from rainbow colors, unless you are at the pride parade.  Nothing looks so weird as a person in a nice outfit, carrying a rainbow umbrella.

A final tip on umbrellas:  Don’t be afraid to open it in the store to make sure it opens and closes correctly.   If a shop assistant tries to stop you, leave.  You shouldn’t spend money on a product you aren’t sure will work once you get it home.   Especially something like an umbrella.  If it fails/breaks, you are screwed.  And wet.

First up is the Boat Shoe:

This shoe is perfect for the upcoming warm weather.  It looks great during the morning, lunch, happy hour and casual dinners.  I love it for the Hamptons-esque summer vibe that it gives.  When you wear this shoe, you could go from a leisurely coffee on a Saturday morning to a night out on a hot summer night.  Also, this is a great shoe for those men who want to hide their ugly feet.  A lot of men have ugly feet and toenail issues and this shoe keeps the rest of the public (read: me) from having to see your gnarled toes in flip flops.

The shoe above is available at Sperry for $85.  Not a bad price for a shoe that will take you from happy hour on a cool April evening to a late dinner in September.  Historically, it doesn’t get too cold in Dallas until October, so I can’t beat $85 for 6 months of wear.  You can find cheaper versions of this shoe out there, but when buying shoes, I always think that quality is a better reason for buying than price.  However, if you’re only going to wear them a few nights of the spring/summer, then go for the cheap ones.  No sense in paying a lot for a shoe you know you won’t wear.

What to wear these with?  You can’t go too wrong on these.  Though, I will advise that they look best with a khaki pant/short and a nice button-down shirt or a vintage t-shirt.  Will you look like a douche in these?  If you stick with a classic, preppy outfit, you’ll look fine.  But pair them with Dad Jeans and tucked in polo shirt and you’ll like a laid-off banker.

When should you stay away from these?  If you are going to a place that’s outside, then these are perfect.  If you’ll be sitting in a dark steakhouse with a glass of red wine?  Avoid.  These shoes are more for being outside and having fun, then they are selecting a wine to go with your porterhouse.  Also, don’t wear these to the office, even on a casual Friday.

Next post:  Umbrellas.

Stephen Trendy

So – let’s catch up on this thing.  First, I must say that my time for this blog went downhill upon the acquisition of a boyfriend, who we’ll refer to as R for future reference, as I’m sure he wouldn’t want his name attached to a fashion blog, lol.   I don’t have time on weekends to actually research posts and to actually work on this thing.  I have a few post ideas that have been kicking around for the last few weeks and I think now more than ever, I need an outlet.  I can talk about fashion for weeks, and with the Oscars coming up, I’ll really need to talk about things with someone. I won’t be liveblogging the red carpet or anything, but I will have a Post-Oscars wrap-up (focused on the men, mostly).  So those of you who found this by accident, bookmark this site and I’ll have fresh content up in a few days.

Also, you can follow me on twitter – StephenTrendy

Yours,

Stephen Trendy

So, let’s dive right in with menswear 2009, specifically fall.  Now, I live in Dallas, where fall as a season doesn’t really exist.  We have summer and then it stays summer until winter.  But there’s new stuff out for fall that will work for all weathers.  One such item is military-inspired jackets.  Naval, or otherwise and there’s even some goth-y ones out there.  Thankfully, I’m already ahead of the game on this one having bought one 2 years ago at Urban Outfitters (it’s a little Adam Ant, but it works). 

Another thing that’s still gonna carry over from summer is the Deep-V-Neck tops for men.  Now, I’m of 2 minds on this.  First – if you have a nice chest, and the self-confidence to wear this – then by all means, wear it.  However, my other mind is saying that this is a horrible look on most men because most men are doughy and hairy.  But then that makes me feel bad.  Because if you’re confident, then go for it.  However, when you’re freezing your nips off…don’t come crying to me. I incidentally, I also got a deep-V tee at Urban Outfitters last year.  I think I wrote about this trend earlier this year, but whatever.  I changed my mind.

So, there’s 2 trends for menswear.  What does this mean?  Well, I pointed out that I have 2 of these items already to show you that just because something is a trend, doesn’t mean you have to stop wearing it when the trend is over.  Ultimately, fashion is about what makes you feel good and everyone else be damned (except in some cases…like white socks with black shoes or black belt with brown shoes…)

- Florals.  Now, some men will probably shy away from this one.  I have 2 floral shirts.  And I probably won’t wear either of them.  Because they are both extremely thin and spring around here is not thin fabric weather.  But florals look good on almost anyone and most of the ones I’ve seen for men are subtle or small enough that you could wear them outside of Spring and Summer.

-Suit Separates.  I noticed this on the runway and it’s not that bad a look.  Everyone from Tommy and Ralph to Zegna is doing this.  Pair a dark blazer with lighter trousers (staying in the same fabric family, natch) and you’ve got a fashion-forward look.  Also, it means you have about 5 extra outfits off the basics.

-Backpacks.  Messenger bags are out and backpacks are in.  It’s about bloody time.  I carry a messenger bag, but come March, I’ll be trading in the grey tweed messenger bag for a trendy backpack.  It’s just good sense and better for my back.

-Cuffed shorts.  I cannot endorse this one.  Every guy I see wearing these looks like they are just getting back from playing the back nine at the country club.  Also, they wear loafers with no socks and a shimmery golf shirt and goes to happy hour dressed like that.  In a word: ew.

- And lastly, beach sweaters.  NOT a hoodie.  A tropical lightweight wool sweater perfect for a cool summer night.  Now, I live in Dallas, so I might have to actually purchase this one.  It’d be nice to have on a night out in April when the weather is still cool at night but hot in the evening.  And we’ll be in full-on Daylight Savings Time so it’ll cool down later in the evening, which means I’ll look dumb wearing a heavier jacket.

And so there you have a few trends for the spring and probably the summer.  I’m ok with these.  There are others that I am not.  Actually, I lied.  I’m not okay with cuffed shorts.  Or pleats.  But to each his own.  Just don’t get mad at me if you show up in a Fashion Faux Pas Post.

Anyway, Mall Fashion:  There is something about the mall that causes people to dress like shit.  Like, oh, I’m gonna run up to the mall for a few hours, so I’ll wear stretch pants, keds, an oversized Christmas sweater and tease my hair to within an inch of it’s life.  And true story – this was an outfit I witnessed yesterday not Christmas 1986.  Delightful.  I guess my big problem is that if you are going to the mall to shop, you should probably dress like the clothes you’re planning on buying.  Like with shoes.  If you are going out to buy sneakers, you wouldn’t wear pumps or sandals.  

Am I being wrong? I mean am I expecting too much from people?  I suppose part of it has to do with laziness and how you were raised.  My mother used to let us out of the house in whatever we wanted and those pictures are pretty embarrassing now.  So somewhere around high school, I took active pursuit in making sure that my clothes were appropriate for the situation.  And now, I wouldn’t imagine dressing like shit to go shopping.  I mean there’s nothing wrong with looking like a damn fool when you go out on your patio for a smoke or if you run down to CVS because you ran out of Diet Coke and now need more. NEED MOAR.  But there’s something wrong to me about looking like shit when you go to the mall. 

I am also calling for a general campaign to end Crocs.  FOREVER.  I won’t even link to their website out of fear someone might stumble upon this blog and follow the link and then actually buy some of them.  THEY ARE RUBBER SHOES THAT ARE BAD FOR YOUR FEET.  As I tell my dog:

NO!

Another thing I’m against is this idea that brown is only a neutral.  Here’s the scenario.  I wore a brown button down shirt and a pair of brown dress pants with a black belt and black shoes.  The black acts as the neutral and the brown is the color.  This is not the same as mixing brown and black shoes and belts as neutrals.   THE BROWN IS THE MAIN COLOR.  IT IS NOT A NEUTRAL IN THIS CASE.  As my idols, Stacy and Clinton always say: It doesn’t need to match, it needs to go.  My outfit went.   Brown is actually quite a good color to use in an outfit.  Very few people look bad in brown and it’s a lot warmer and richer than black.

And lastly – Christmas-themed clothing.   STOP IT.  You can say “Christmas” with your clothing without actually having a Christmas tree on your sweater.  Seriously.  There’s no reason for it.  WE ALL KNOW IT IS CHRISTMAS. We do not need your holly green cable knit sweater with the Rudolph the Reindeer applique on it to let us know it is the holidays.  You know how you do a holiday outfit?  A red cable knit sweater over a nice button-down shirt and a pair of slacks for men.  For women, a nice dress in a bright, rich color preferably in a shiny, shimmery fabric.  That’s it.  No reindeer brooches or earrings in the shape of wreaths.  Or sweaters with Santas on them saying “Ho Ho Ho!”  Of course, with every fashion dictate, there is an exception.  In this case it is teachers.  Elementary school teachers to be exact.  They are allowed to wear that stuff to be cutesy and fun.  But if you are a teacher?  You need to leave that in your school.  Please don’t wear that out in public.

So Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah dear readers.  I’ll probably post a year-end post before the new year!

The flip flop is meant to be a light, casual (VERY CASUAL) shoe used primarily in summer and that’s the only time it’s appropriate.  Ok.  ONLY.  So, when the leaves start changing and you have to start wearing a jacket in the morning? That’s the time to retire the flip flops.  Go for a sneaker.  There are even some sneakers that do not require that you tie the laces.  Shocking, I know.  So that’s when you should wear flip flops.

Now for the where.  DON’T WEAR FLIP FLOPS TO A BAR!  I cannot stress this enough, people.  Your feet will get dirty and on top of that, you will probably get stepped on at least once by someone wearing real shoes, which you will deserve. So stop it.  Also, if you are going out for a night on the town and even if you have really nice leather flip flops?  Put them back in the closet and put on a dress shoe.  Please.  You know where you can wear flip flops?  A nice backyard barbecue in April (assuming you live somewhere where you don’t still need a parka in April), a daytrip to the lake for fishing, camping, going to the city pool.  Those are appropriate places.

Also, there is some indication in a few academic studies, that flip flops can actually cause damage to your body because of the way you have to hold on to them with the toes.  And, look, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t wear them ever (it’s not like a wire hanger).  But seriously, wear them during the appropriate season and at the appropriate venue.  That’s kind of my whole point.

OH!  And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE – clean your feet if you are going to wear flip flops.  This means make sure that the skin is clean and not cracked and dry and that the toenails aren’t yellow, chipped or overgrown.  And men!  If you wear black socks during the week and are wearing flip flops on the weekend?  Clean out the black lint under the toenail.  Not just for your sake.  But for everyone who has to see them.  Please.